Confused is My Nature ?

I noticed that when your young, your voice is always taken . Like as a kid you should only be seen and not heard . My dad constantly tells me " Jasmine, i only listen to what you dont say ." Basically and kinda bluntly he is stating that he doesnt want to hear want to hear what i have to say and that frankly what i say doesnt hold any weight . But yet he wants us to be close and for me to tell him everything thats on my mind . Wtf ! ? This is where i get my fakemeout lack of communication skills from, sometimes . My Dad and i can go on hours and days with just saying only a couple of words to each other . And anytime we do talk its because i am in trouble or he wants me to do something and half of the time he is yelling at me . He comes off as an agressive, offensive, harsh person . Who wants to talk to a person like that ? I hate angry yelling people because it scares me . Ima really sensitive person and if people come to me with negativity, i will break down and cry about it . I dont know how to express my feelings to whatever is going on so its either crying or writting it down in my journal, on a napkin, my skin, the walls in my room . I also think thats why i have a problem with and around people . Me and one of my fellow friends talked about me and my issues . And i believe sometimes my problem goes back to my situations and relationship i have with my dad . For example one time not to long ago i was in McDonalds with Godmother Monique . I hate ordering for myself because i dont like talking to the people behind the courter . Who in the hell does that ? I told the dude what i wanted because i was forced by Monique, i felt nerves like to tell him what i wanted was overbearing Lls . Then he asked the big question (gasp) "What do you want to drink ?" Tell me why i said "What do you have to drink ?" Knowing that i know what they have . Over the courter people scare me ! Lls . Honestly, i cant do everything by myself . Im in my own world sometimes . I dont have selective hearing its just that im so use to being pushed around and used to a certain point, im fine with it abit like a leash . Im kind of handiecap alittle . I know the words "i cant" shouldnt be in my vocabulary but they exist in anyone . There are times where you "cant" do something . But how does a person use "can" in a mind set that is "i cant" ? Is my dad over protecting me ?, Im i sheltered too much ? I go day in and day out trying to find myself...like where my emotions are and how i feel but i come up just confused .

What is wrong with me ?

Just Gathered Thoughts not really put in order
so if you dont understand, sorry about that .
=/

-Jasmine, Grandma .